It's not him - It's me
by strawberrylawlipop1
Summary: The world's greatest detective, L Lawliet, has been hiding something deep in his mind for a long long time. Hiding another part of him. He's always, due to his amazing self control, been able to control it.. but one thing falters his control.. and he finally lets the beast come out. Idea helped by "StuddedHeartbreaks" Rated T For some bloody violence.
1. 1 - Not again

Silent.

Just as L Lawliet, the World's Greatest Detective, liked it. He worked his best when there were no distractions, nothing to put him off of his work and nothing to make him lose concentration.  
L sat down to his evening cup of sweet tea and his slice of strawberry shortcake, he had just solved yet another case and was taking a little break.  
After all, even the great detective needs a break sometimes.

And just like that, the silence was broken. L looked up as he heard a scream coming from the alley way outside his hotel room. He didn't panic, just stayed calm.  
He put the plate back on the table and headed out of the door, he couldn't afford to waste his time using the elevator from the top floor so started down the stairs as quickly as he could.

Once out of the building he ran out to the alley. It was dark and because of the lack of street lights, seeing anything was proving diffucult. But one thing was clear to the detective; he sensed danger and he wasn't going to let anything happen.

Screams of hurt and terror came from a young woman who had been pushed to the floor and stabbed in the arm with a stilleto knife. Above her stood a large man, weilding the knife, almost teasing her with it. He was laughing and he had a face that L recognised from one of his cases.

The man realised that L was there, and looked over, glaring at him. He smiled slightly at the detective and came away from the woman.

L kept his cool, though he'd never been in the situation where a man was about to come at him with a knife, he had his capoeira skills to back him up if something did go wrong.  
His main objective to get the knife off of the man.

The assailant noticed L staring at him and growled.  
"What are you looking at smart-ass?!" He then threw the knife to his other hand and then back again. "Want a bit of this?"

L did not answer, he just continued to map out what he was going to do, he had to avoid that knife at all costs.

"Hey! I'm talking to you! What? You think you're something special?! Huh punk?!"

Again no answer, just L's dark eyes darting at his.

At this point the man with the knife seemed to be getting pissed off. Like, really pissed off, and kicked the woman beneath him and then made a run at L.

Not as he'd planned.  
L hadn't deduced his weaponry skills and mistook his actions. He had tried to kick him in his chest, but during his attack, took the blade to his shin.  
L gasped and once his injured leg had hit the floor, he fell.

"Mph.. " L grunted with pain and looked back up at the man, who came at him again.  
But this time, though L was on the ground, he reached up with his arms and grabbed the knife. They both fought over it, and though L was physically weaker than the man above him, he managed to get it off of him.

That's when it happened.

L wouldn't know how to use a knife if his life depended on it, he didn't have any intentions of using it.. but during the spur of the moment, the man had slipped, falling on top of the detective, causing him to hold the knife out infront of him, which impaled the man right in the heart. He died instantly, his blood spilling out over L.

L couldn't take it all in at once. It was all a blur, one minute he was okay, and now.. there was a corpse, lying on top of him, covering him in blood.  
Once he could get his head around it, L's eyes widened and he let out a whimper.  
"I.. "  
He wriggled out from underneath him and crawled over to his side. He grabbed the man's shoulders and shook him violently.

"Wake up.." L couldn't believe what was happening. He'd just killed him..  
When he didn't respond, he looked for a pulse. Nothing. He was dead. He'd.. killed him.  
L was covered in blood, the minority of it, still pumping from his leg.  
His shirt was practically red, his hands.. were red..  
L staggered to his feet and tried his best to run back to his hotel room.  
It was late and no one was about thankfully. No one in the elevator, no one in the corridors.  
He limped back into his room and to the bathroom, locking the door.

He grabbed the tap handles and desperately turned them on, trying to wash the blood off of his hands. The detective breathed heavily, still in pain with his leg, but he was too distracted with the blood.. and what he'd done.  
L grabbed a rag and viciously scrubbed at his hands. It seemed to come off.  
He then yanked his shirt off and threw it to the floor.  
Letting out a sigh of slight relief, L looked into the mirror, the blood was gone.  
The deeper he looked into the mirror, he noticed something,..  
Blood was reappearing on his face, it was just oozing out from every possible place it could.  
His eyes turned a crimson red colour and he seemed to be wearing a black shirt. His reflection grinned a sick, twisted grin.

"NO!"

L clenched his eyes shut and punched the mirror, smashing it into pieces.  
He breathed heavily, his fist starting to bleed.

This.. It couldn't be happening.

Not again..


	2. 2 - B

Once L had cleaned himself up and swept the broken, bloody glass up from the floor, L tended to his leg. It wasn't a deep gash, but it was sore. He cleaned it and bandaged himself up. After, L got himself a new white shirt and put it on. He'd decided to put his blood stained shirt in the trash, there was no point in washing it.

He looked over at the cake and the cold tea that was on his table and sighed.  
It would have been easy to just make another cupful, but L didn't want anything, nothing sweet, nothing at all. Instead, the detective who usually never slept, headed to his bedroom and lay down. He closed his eyes and tried to get some sleep.

"Come on L, stop trying to hide it. I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere, I told you that years ago. L! Hey! LAWLIET! LISTEN TO ME! YOU HEAR ME! I WILL GET TO YOU!"

L awoke screaming, sweat pouring down his face and short of breath. He looked around frantically, but there was no one there. It took him a while to calm down, but L knew who that was in his dream. He knew.. but he didn't want to accept it.  
He shook his head and got up, limping down to the kitchen cupboard to get a pain pill for his head and his leg.

L's life had been turned upside down in only one night. He hadn't ever expected to be battling this again.  
It had happened only once before. Before L was strong, before L was confident.  
It only happened when L got distracted. When there was something to knock the loose screw that L's mind had, out.  
He had learned to control his other side for 10 years now, but seeing that blood, having killed that man, it was enough to turn even the most sane human being insane.

L put he pill on his tongue and took a drink of water. Closing his eyes, he let out a long exasperated sigh. It would pass, so he thought. It would all go away, just as it had ten years ago. Well.. that's what L wanted to happen. But L usually got what he wanted, so why should this be any different?

Pfft, the difference? This was much bigger of a difference than anything the worlds greatest detective had ever had to take on. This wasn't a fight with a criminal, this wasn't a fight with a murderer or a theif. This was a battle.. no a war.. with himself.

Over the next few days and weeks, L hadn't felt any better. It didn't pass as he wanted it to.  
The guilt didn't seem to fade either, it just got worse and worse. Surely, even with a brain capacity like L Lawliet's .. that wasn't right.

No. It wasn't right, because L wasn't the one remembering, it was his demon, it was his alter-ego, forcing these thoughts and memories into his head.  
Making him remeber, making him feel guilty, making him.. want to do it again.

"No! Shut up!" L refused to listen any more. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to block it out.

"Come on.. you know you want to.. all that blood.. you know you want to see it again. The pain, the anguish, the sense of power! All yours!"

"Stop! I don't want that!"

"But you do L.. you do!"

L was afraid. He couldn't stop this voice because it was his own. He couldn't shut him up, because it was him. His felt his body go out from under him. He was being possessed.  
He couldn't control himself anymore.

"No. No! I can't let him.. Ngh.."

"Silence Lawliet. I'm in control now!"

With that, he ran down the stairs. L felt the pain gush through his body as he ran on his bad leg, but he couldn't d anything about it. He couldn't control it. He couldn't stop it.

No one could stop it. Because B.. Beyond birthday.. Couldn't be stopped by anyone.


	3. 3 - Control

He made his way out of the hotel and out into the night. The sky completely dark. Black.  
Where was he going? Where was he being led? L couldn't answer those questions, he couldn't even begin to imagine what B would want him to do next.  
All of a sudden, L saw something, something .. he'd never wanted to experience. Death.  
His vision was all blurred, but once it came back, it was all in red.  
Red.. like blood.

Everyone he saw, their names, just floating above their heads, along with some numbers.  
Their life spans. The ablitiy to see life.. is the ability to see death.  
And that was all L saw. It made his heart skip a beat. It terrified him. What was happening to him?  
He turned a corner and found himself walking down a very narrow street, it was completely baron. Not a soul, not a car, nothing.  
L was out of breath and in pain.  
"Stop.. stop running! Please!"

B slowed, and stopped, out of his own choice of mind. He looked side to side.  
Suddenly, he heard a siren. A burgular alarm, and with it, came a man running down the street he stood on.  
He had a bag full of money swung over his shoulder, he ran right for L.

"Tell anyone you saw me, you die!"

L grinned and stuck his leg out infront of the frantic man, tripping him up and making the bag go flying.  
The man fell to the floor, but before he'd even fully hit the ground, L grabbed him up by the scruff of his shirt and pushed him up against the wall.

"Oh really? Well.. that would be difficult it I killed you first, wouldn't it?" L's usual emotionless face brewed a sick, twisted smile. He wasn't L anymore. He was B. He was Beyond Birthday. He was insane, he was uncontainable. He was a murderer.

The theif's face had changed to a frightened state. He stared right into the glowing red eyes in front of him.

"Hey man, I have a wife and kids, don't do this to me! Get off!"

The madness had spread to L's head, he couldn't think anymore. He could only obey. He could only submit. He had no say. He no longer existed. B had full control.  
He threw the man down to the floor and kicked his head. While he was grounded, B then picked up a crow bar that he saw next to someone's garage.

"No.. Please!"

Not ceasing, B raised the crowbar above his head and brought it down with a thwack to the man's body.  
Screaming out in pain, the theif begged for mercy. The screams and writhes only made B want more, he kept hitting him and hitting him, blood spurting all over his white shirt.  
Soon enough, the screaming got annoying to Beyond Birthday and he gave him one blow to the back of the head and he was dead. But that didn't stop him.

B egged L on to keep hitting him, to get the full sense of enjoyment. The blood. It was beautiful and it was everywhere.

Once it was over and the body was completely mutilated, Beyond Birthday began to laugh.  
An evil Shinigami's cakkle which emerged into a full fledged laughter. Uncontrollable insane laughter.

Beyond ceased his power over L and let him have his body back. His laughs soon turned to cries. Within a few seconds, L Lawliet was bawling, he fell to his knees and just cried and cried. Once again, his hands were red. Blood dripping from his face, his hair, it was.. everywhere.  
His tears couldn't stop, and they were mixing with the blood on his face and trailing down his cheeks. He really was a monster. And there wasn't anything he could do about it anymore.


End file.
